Coming up on 10 months on my internship, and I'm still not sure if this is what I could be doing for the rest of my life. Maybe something different, something more hardware-related. But coding? Not so sure about that.
Nor am I limiting my career options to the field of computer engineering, or even computer or engineering in general. If I had to brainstorm right this moment, I'd say writing for a living could be a possibility. Not necessarily books, but maybe articles, columns and such. I'd probably need to learn proper grammar though.
Another option might be going into further studies, perhaps in Mathematics or Computer Science. Makes sense to pursue studies in subjects that I'm good at and enjoy.
Meanwhile, I might make fringe hobbies of photography, or perhaps something sports-related. Perhaps refereeing or coaching. I'm sure the Canadian Soccer Association offers courses. In fact, maybe I could combine those and think about sports photography.
Speaking of photography, Dad called asking if I wanted the Canon PowerShot G6 for taking pictures when they visit. He said I could either buy that, or wait till I come back and get myself a digital SLR. For the moment, I guess I'll settle for the G6; the DSLR can wait a few years while I hone my photography skills.
I suppose a 21-year-old can still dream about what he wants to be when he grows up. Hopefully, this isn't just one big April Fool's joke.
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Crush?
For the first time in over two years, I caught myself thinking about someone else.
Naturally, I was shocked.
What does it mean? Am I finally moving on? Or am I just leaping from one hell to the next?
Could any good come from this ill-fated infatuation?
Naturally, I was shocked.
What does it mean? Am I finally moving on? Or am I just leaping from one hell to the next?
Could any good come from this ill-fated infatuation?
Sunday, March 27, 2005
Easter Sunday
Well well, I'm here writing this [censored] internship report, while Alex is out way past the appointed time and I'm so darn hungry. So I thought a break was in order.
Went to Györ yesterday, a quiet little town with the usual monuments and churches and what-not. Slept at 4:30am the night before, so the 2.5-hour train rides suited me just fine. I actually enjoy travelling with Alex's friends, even though I don't always understand what they're saying.
Easter Sunday has come and nearly gone, and it feels really odd that I didn't go to church at all. Even for Christmas, I went to All Souls a few times in London with the Kwongs. I can't wait to go back to the church I belong to.
Went to Györ yesterday, a quiet little town with the usual monuments and churches and what-not. Slept at 4:30am the night before, so the 2.5-hour train rides suited me just fine. I actually enjoy travelling with Alex's friends, even though I don't always understand what they're saying.
Easter Sunday has come and nearly gone, and it feels really odd that I didn't go to church at all. Even for Christmas, I went to All Souls a few times in London with the Kwongs. I can't wait to go back to the church I belong to.
Friday, March 25, 2005
Good Friday
Time for a little update, methinks. Been around town the last few days, taking a few pictures here and there. Went to a little town named Szentendre yesterday, where I picked up a wooden "magic box" for a special someone. Today we went to the castle and the palace, after which we had sushi at Sushi An, where a Hungarian chef made our sushi right before our eyes. Speaking of food, we had some traditional Hungarian dishes yesterday for lunch and supper. We also tried "langos", which is sort of like 油炸鬼, only it comes in a frisbee shape rather than a stick.
I suppose I should explain who "we" are. "We" would include me and Alex, and some of his friends in school - either classmates or pre-Med students - and some of their friends, four of whom are from England, and one from Chicago. I think I've done alright in terms of communicating with them, since they pretty much all speak Mandarin.
Think it's time for a midnight snack now, Alex is cooking up some 湯圓, and we have to be up by 7am tomorrow for our trip to Györ. Methinks we won't be sleeping tonight.
I suppose I should explain who "we" are. "We" would include me and Alex, and some of his friends in school - either classmates or pre-Med students - and some of their friends, four of whom are from England, and one from Chicago. I think I've done alright in terms of communicating with them, since they pretty much all speak Mandarin.
Think it's time for a midnight snack now, Alex is cooking up some 湯圓, and we have to be up by 7am tomorrow for our trip to Györ. Methinks we won't be sleeping tonight.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Easter in Budapest
So here I am, in the middle of Hungary, where I'll be spending Easter weekend with my friend Alex from high school. He's here studying Medicine, doctor-to-be he is. We'll have a few days here to do some catching up, some R&R and some sightseeing as well.
My second hard disk is showing signs of failure, but luckily I was able to back it up at work with the external case. I'll try to restore all the data onto the third hard disk when I get back next week, but that means my pictures site will be down until then.
I'll try to post regularly during my stay here so nobody gets worried about me getting kidnapped in this ex-commie country. Rumours have it we'll be going to a hotspring sometime.
My second hard disk is showing signs of failure, but luckily I was able to back it up at work with the external case. I'll try to restore all the data onto the third hard disk when I get back next week, but that means my pictures site will be down until then.
I'll try to post regularly during my stay here so nobody gets worried about me getting kidnapped in this ex-commie country. Rumours have it we'll be going to a hotspring sometime.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Hammered Into Bits
I don't think I've had two days as bad as this past weekend in the last nine months.
I'm so mad at so many different things right now I'm really at a loss for words. I have absolutely no idea where to start.
Let's go back to Saturday afternoon, 16:15, when my coworkers and I were about to board the tram and head over to the T-Mobile Arena to see HC Sparta's playoff game.
The tram was so packed I could barely get on. I was still standing on the steps just inside the tram doors when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and a gruff-looking man flashed a badge at me and demanded to see my ticket. So I fished it out of my jacket and handed it over. First mistake.
You see, the Prague transportation system requires you to buy a ticket for 12 Kc (about, oh, 60 cents) that's good for 90 minutes on a weekend from the moment you validate it. And each tram/bus/subway-station has validation machines. The problem here, you see, was that the tram was so crowded I never even saw one of those machines (recall that I was still stuck at the tram door) before I was asked to show my ticket.
So I was asked (not so politely) to disembark at the next stop, where he was joined by another "controller" (both in plain clothes; this one also missing a few teeth), and they demanded that I pay a 400 Kc fine on the spot. When I refused (naturally... would you just hand over money to two strangers?), they demanded to see my passport. I refused again, of course, and asked to see their superiors. That's when they got nasty, rejecting my demands and proceeding to threaten me, claiming that "you no pay now, you in big trouble sir" in that horrifying broken English. Seeing that I could talk no sense into them, I held out as long as I possibly could, and then a cop car showed up.
Just my luck, though, that neither cops in the car spoke English. So I set about trying to explain to them my situation in German, but I only got as far as "fahrkarte" (ticket) and "kein Validation" (no validation) before they started pointing fingers and telling me to "zahlen" (pay). Hell, they didn't even check the two guys' ID. At this point I just wanted to get them off my back, so I fished out the 400 Kc (which amounts to 20 dollars... they think they're so hot just because it's a big number in their corrupted ex-commie backwater country's currency) and handed it over. If you ask me, it felt more like buying them off or getting robbed than paying a fine. I didn't even get a proper slip or receipt.
Well, by the time they stopped harassing me and let me get on my way, I had missed another tram to the arena, so when I finally arrived at the game 30 minutes behind my coworkers, I had no ticket (Dane held onto all of them) and no way to contact them from the outside. I spoke to one of the security guys manning the entrances, and he managed to sneak me in at the first intermission. But when I reached the section I thought our seats were at, I saw four empty seats, so I started wondering if they made it to the game at all. Not wanting to watch the game on my own when they could be out there looking for me (for all I knew), I left after the second period and went to leave a note at their hostel before I checked into mine for a good night's rest.
A good night's rest which was so rudely interrupted at 01:30 when I awoke to the sound of a couple making out on a bed in the opposite corner of the dorm room. I tried to shift around in my bed, just so they'd realize that I was awake, but that didn't deter them one bit. It was rather difficult to fall back asleep with the girl moaning while the guy was groping her.
Fast forward to Sunday afternoon, 17:15, an hour before my train back to Zürich departs. I had just gotten off a full subway car, and was on my way up the staircases to change metro lines, when I reached for my pouch to check that I had everything. I froze when I found my pouch to be unusually light, and fell into shock when I realized what was missing: my dad's old camera that I had brought over to Europe. You know the feeling when you find out something's seriously wrong: Eyes bulging, heart stopped, shallow breaths, mind blanked out, frozen in one place like a statue, caught in your own world while everyone just go about their business around you.
So in my panic, I went back to the platform and searched for it, I went back to the station where I got on, and I must've looked ridiculous peering over the edge to see if it had spilled out of my pouch and found its way down to the tracks. In the end, I became convinced that someone had nicked it out of my pouch on that packed subway car; there had been a couple suspicious characters pushing this way and that, and my jacket hadn't been zipped up, and if it had merely fallen out I should've heard it crack on the ground or even kicked at it.
Needless to say then, I came home not a happy man. I called my parents to let them know what happened, only to be met with more bad news. Apparently Zoom Airlines called over the weekend to let me know that the flight I had booked from Paris to Toronto has been cancelled. I could either switch to another flight 3 days prior or 4 days later, or I could get a full refund. So my parents decided I should fly Air Canada with them, which means $825 rather than Zoom's $600. Losing money left, right, and center here. (P.S. Just checked Zoom's alternative flights and now banging my head on the table: Apparently I could've flown for something like $425 if I settled for leaving earlier or later.)
To add insult to injury, I discovered on Monday that my right shoe, having endured another gruelling weekend, had ripped open at the heel. Now I have to go shopping this weekend and buy a new pair. More money wasted.
I guess that about sums it up. Now I'm completely terrified about the trip to Italy in May, not the mention going to Budapest next week. Dad's sending me an even older camera so I can still take some pictures, but I suppose I'll buy him a new one (maybe an Olympus C-5500?) when I get home so he doesn't have to lug that Nikon D70 around all the time. He suggested that he would like the Canon EOS 20D, but since the reason I wanted to buy him a new camera was so he wouldn't have to carry a huge DSLR while doing outdoor sports, fat chance he'll get this one.
Anyway, it took me three days to write this one entry, but another one should follow soon with football news and analyses.
I'm so mad at so many different things right now I'm really at a loss for words. I have absolutely no idea where to start.
Let's go back to Saturday afternoon, 16:15, when my coworkers and I were about to board the tram and head over to the T-Mobile Arena to see HC Sparta's playoff game.
The tram was so packed I could barely get on. I was still standing on the steps just inside the tram doors when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and a gruff-looking man flashed a badge at me and demanded to see my ticket. So I fished it out of my jacket and handed it over. First mistake.
You see, the Prague transportation system requires you to buy a ticket for 12 Kc (about, oh, 60 cents) that's good for 90 minutes on a weekend from the moment you validate it. And each tram/bus/subway-station has validation machines. The problem here, you see, was that the tram was so crowded I never even saw one of those machines (recall that I was still stuck at the tram door) before I was asked to show my ticket.
So I was asked (not so politely) to disembark at the next stop, where he was joined by another "controller" (both in plain clothes; this one also missing a few teeth), and they demanded that I pay a 400 Kc fine on the spot. When I refused (naturally... would you just hand over money to two strangers?), they demanded to see my passport. I refused again, of course, and asked to see their superiors. That's when they got nasty, rejecting my demands and proceeding to threaten me, claiming that "you no pay now, you in big trouble sir" in that horrifying broken English. Seeing that I could talk no sense into them, I held out as long as I possibly could, and then a cop car showed up.
Just my luck, though, that neither cops in the car spoke English. So I set about trying to explain to them my situation in German, but I only got as far as "fahrkarte" (ticket) and "kein Validation" (no validation) before they started pointing fingers and telling me to "zahlen" (pay). Hell, they didn't even check the two guys' ID. At this point I just wanted to get them off my back, so I fished out the 400 Kc (which amounts to 20 dollars... they think they're so hot just because it's a big number in their corrupted ex-commie backwater country's currency) and handed it over. If you ask me, it felt more like buying them off or getting robbed than paying a fine. I didn't even get a proper slip or receipt.
Well, by the time they stopped harassing me and let me get on my way, I had missed another tram to the arena, so when I finally arrived at the game 30 minutes behind my coworkers, I had no ticket (Dane held onto all of them) and no way to contact them from the outside. I spoke to one of the security guys manning the entrances, and he managed to sneak me in at the first intermission. But when I reached the section I thought our seats were at, I saw four empty seats, so I started wondering if they made it to the game at all. Not wanting to watch the game on my own when they could be out there looking for me (for all I knew), I left after the second period and went to leave a note at their hostel before I checked into mine for a good night's rest.
A good night's rest which was so rudely interrupted at 01:30 when I awoke to the sound of a couple making out on a bed in the opposite corner of the dorm room. I tried to shift around in my bed, just so they'd realize that I was awake, but that didn't deter them one bit. It was rather difficult to fall back asleep with the girl moaning while the guy was groping her.
Fast forward to Sunday afternoon, 17:15, an hour before my train back to Zürich departs. I had just gotten off a full subway car, and was on my way up the staircases to change metro lines, when I reached for my pouch to check that I had everything. I froze when I found my pouch to be unusually light, and fell into shock when I realized what was missing: my dad's old camera that I had brought over to Europe. You know the feeling when you find out something's seriously wrong: Eyes bulging, heart stopped, shallow breaths, mind blanked out, frozen in one place like a statue, caught in your own world while everyone just go about their business around you.
So in my panic, I went back to the platform and searched for it, I went back to the station where I got on, and I must've looked ridiculous peering over the edge to see if it had spilled out of my pouch and found its way down to the tracks. In the end, I became convinced that someone had nicked it out of my pouch on that packed subway car; there had been a couple suspicious characters pushing this way and that, and my jacket hadn't been zipped up, and if it had merely fallen out I should've heard it crack on the ground or even kicked at it.
Needless to say then, I came home not a happy man. I called my parents to let them know what happened, only to be met with more bad news. Apparently Zoom Airlines called over the weekend to let me know that the flight I had booked from Paris to Toronto has been cancelled. I could either switch to another flight 3 days prior or 4 days later, or I could get a full refund. So my parents decided I should fly Air Canada with them, which means $825 rather than Zoom's $600. Losing money left, right, and center here. (P.S. Just checked Zoom's alternative flights and now banging my head on the table: Apparently I could've flown for something like $425 if I settled for leaving earlier or later.)
To add insult to injury, I discovered on Monday that my right shoe, having endured another gruelling weekend, had ripped open at the heel. Now I have to go shopping this weekend and buy a new pair. More money wasted.
I guess that about sums it up. Now I'm completely terrified about the trip to Italy in May, not the mention going to Budapest next week. Dad's sending me an even older camera so I can still take some pictures, but I suppose I'll buy him a new one (maybe an Olympus C-5500?) when I get home so he doesn't have to lug that Nikon D70 around all the time. He suggested that he would like the Canon EOS 20D, but since the reason I wanted to buy him a new camera was so he wouldn't have to carry a huge DSLR while doing outdoor sports, fat chance he'll get this one.
Anyway, it took me three days to write this one entry, but another one should follow soon with football news and analyses.
Friday, March 11, 2005
Off to Prague
The week sure flew by quickly. It's Friday again and I'll be sleeping my way to Prague, Czech Republic tonight. I'll have about 30 hours to take 300 pictures, so hopefully my batteries will be up to the challenge.
It's also been a week since we last talked. I don't know what to make of this. I could be mad, I suppose. It just feels like you're out to mess with my head. I know you haven't a clue what you want in life; but don't you at least know whether you want me or not? Mom wants me to stop talking to you altogether. If you just go and disappear again for another three months, I just might do that.
It's also been a week since we last talked. I don't know what to make of this. I could be mad, I suppose. It just feels like you're out to mess with my head. I know you haven't a clue what you want in life; but don't you at least know whether you want me or not? Mom wants me to stop talking to you altogether. If you just go and disappear again for another three months, I just might do that.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Epiphany: Blame God
When Life doesn't go your way, blame God.
Now before you all start pointing fingers and throwing accusing glares in my general direction, allow me to explain.
I don't mean that it's God's fault that life doesn't go your way. But I do hold God responsible for it. There's a difference.
Since God is sovereign, you cannot say "it was His fault" that something bad (from your point of view) happened. But you can say "it was His doing".
So I'm going to throw all this relationship crap into his hands. I'm sick and tired of listening to my mom over the phone going on and on about how "you deserve better", or "you're too good for her", or how "many uncles and aunties speak highly of you". I'm sick of it. Sick. I'm tired of explaining myself. Tired of this constant bashing of the girl I've loved for two years. Tired of not knowing whether I should defend her even though she dumped me.
So here's what I'll do. If God's plan is for us to be back together, He will make a way for mom to change her mind and for once in her life see the good sides of other people. If He doesn't wanna do it, fine. But, God willing, I hope there's another chance for us.
Now before you all start pointing fingers and throwing accusing glares in my general direction, allow me to explain.
I don't mean that it's God's fault that life doesn't go your way. But I do hold God responsible for it. There's a difference.
Since God is sovereign, you cannot say "it was His fault" that something bad (from your point of view) happened. But you can say "it was His doing".
So I'm going to throw all this relationship crap into his hands. I'm sick and tired of listening to my mom over the phone going on and on about how "you deserve better", or "you're too good for her", or how "many uncles and aunties speak highly of you". I'm sick of it. Sick. I'm tired of explaining myself. Tired of this constant bashing of the girl I've loved for two years. Tired of not knowing whether I should defend her even though she dumped me.
So here's what I'll do. If God's plan is for us to be back together, He will make a way for mom to change her mind and for once in her life see the good sides of other people. If He doesn't wanna do it, fine. But, God willing, I hope there's another chance for us.
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Arsenal Dumped, Liverpool Through
A 1-0 victory at Highbury was not enough for Arsenal to overturn a 3-1 deficit, as Bayern München held on to book a place in the last eight. Back in Germany, Liverpool duplicated the 3-1 victory two weeks ago, once again leading 3-0 until the final minutes, when Jacek Krzynowek scored a consolation goal for Bayer Leverkusen. Luis Garcia did the damage early on, scoring twice within four-and-a-half minutes.
So two English sides are through to the quarter-finals (Chelsea and Liverpool); Juventus and Real Madrid are still in the second half of extra time as I write this, Trezeguet having scored in the 76th minute. The game's getting a bit scrappy now, with Ronaldo and Zlatan Ibrahimovic getting sent off and yellow cards going to Santiago Solari and Alessio Tacchinardi.
And Marcelo Zalayeta has scored for Juve! Just a few minutes to be played out now under the silver goal rule, and Real must throw everyone forward to equalize.
But time has run out, and Ronaldinho must be red-faced now as Spain has no team left in the competition. Better luck next time around.
So two English sides are through to the quarter-finals (Chelsea and Liverpool); Juventus and Real Madrid are still in the second half of extra time as I write this, Trezeguet having scored in the 76th minute. The game's getting a bit scrappy now, with Ronaldo and Zlatan Ibrahimovic getting sent off and yellow cards going to Santiago Solari and Alessio Tacchinardi.
And Marcelo Zalayeta has scored for Juve! Just a few minutes to be played out now under the silver goal rule, and Real must throw everyone forward to equalize.
But time has run out, and Ronaldinho must be red-faced now as Spain has no team left in the competition. Better luck next time around.
United Crashed, Ronaldinho Burned
So it was the end of another disappointing Champions League campaign for Manchester United, who have failed to reach the quarter-finals for the second straight year (and failed to advance past the first knock-out round for three straight). It's sort of difficult to win if you don't score, and United couldn't score a single goal in two full matches against an aging Milan defence.
Ronaldinho, meanwhile, could not hold up his end of the bargain after predicting that England would not be represented in the quarter-finals. Despite scoring two goals at Stamford Bridge, Ronaldinho can only bemoan the controversial goal allowed by Pierluigi Collina that gave Chelsea a 5-4 aggregate win. Ironically, Real Madrid must hold onto their 1-0 advantage tonight in Turin if Spain is to be represented next round.
French Ligue 1 leaders Olimpico Lyonnais made the most of their 3-0 away win from a fortnight ago, took advantage of Werder Bremen's need for goals and romped them 7-2 in Lyon. Sylvain Wiltord's hat-trick places him third on the Champions League goalscoring charts with 5 goals, behind Ruud van Nistelrooy (8) and Roy Makaay (7). Wayne Rooney (3), of course, hasn't scored in Europe since his debut. Given time, however, he and van Nistelrooy will form quite a devastating partnership.
At the moment, United can only hope that Chelsea's continued participation in the Champions League, and consequently their more congested fixture list, will cause them to slip up in the Premiership. United will be in Southampton this Saturday evening for the FA Cup quarter-finals. Bolton will host Arsenal in the afternoon; certainly they're hoping for another positive result after a 2-2 draw at Highbury in September and a 1-0 win at the Reebok Stadium mid-January. And should Arsenal be knocked out of Europe tonight against Bayern München, Bolton just might sneak another one past the Londoners come this Saturday.
Ronaldinho, meanwhile, could not hold up his end of the bargain after predicting that England would not be represented in the quarter-finals. Despite scoring two goals at Stamford Bridge, Ronaldinho can only bemoan the controversial goal allowed by Pierluigi Collina that gave Chelsea a 5-4 aggregate win. Ironically, Real Madrid must hold onto their 1-0 advantage tonight in Turin if Spain is to be represented next round.
French Ligue 1 leaders Olimpico Lyonnais made the most of their 3-0 away win from a fortnight ago, took advantage of Werder Bremen's need for goals and romped them 7-2 in Lyon. Sylvain Wiltord's hat-trick places him third on the Champions League goalscoring charts with 5 goals, behind Ruud van Nistelrooy (8) and Roy Makaay (7). Wayne Rooney (3), of course, hasn't scored in Europe since his debut. Given time, however, he and van Nistelrooy will form quite a devastating partnership.
At the moment, United can only hope that Chelsea's continued participation in the Champions League, and consequently their more congested fixture list, will cause them to slip up in the Premiership. United will be in Southampton this Saturday evening for the FA Cup quarter-finals. Bolton will host Arsenal in the afternoon; certainly they're hoping for another positive result after a 2-2 draw at Highbury in September and a 1-0 win at the Reebok Stadium mid-January. And should Arsenal be knocked out of Europe tonight against Bayern München, Bolton just might sneak another one past the Londoners come this Saturday.
Monday, March 07, 2005
ASP.NET Free Trial Web Hosting
Stumbled across this Microsoft trial offer and thought it might interest some of you out there who can't afford to pay for hosting and don't want to do it on your own machine. Runs .NET Framework 1.1 on IIS 6, with 20MB for apps and temp files and 10MB for SQL Server database. See the full list of features for yourself. There's no ASP.NET 2.0 support yet but 20MB should be plenty to play with if you have webspace elsewhere to store chunky static files like images or Flash movies.
Currently, this trial service is aimed at European and Japanese users, but I assume interested North Americans should be able to sign up as well, albeit perhaps with degraded performance. I personally have no intentions yet to move my entire website over, but it presents at least an intriguing option of having a mirror site for when I decide to give my laptop some much-deserved rest (like this past weekend).
Update: Just noticed that the trial offer only lasts 30 days, after which your account and, presumably, all your files on their server will be removed. Please remember to store backup copies on your own computer.
Currently, this trial service is aimed at European and Japanese users, but I assume interested North Americans should be able to sign up as well, albeit perhaps with degraded performance. I personally have no intentions yet to move my entire website over, but it presents at least an intriguing option of having a mirror site for when I decide to give my laptop some much-deserved rest (like this past weekend).
Update: Just noticed that the trial offer only lasts 30 days, after which your account and, presumably, all your files on their server will be removed. Please remember to store backup copies on your own computer.
Friday, March 04, 2005
Off to Venice
I will be in Venice for the weekend, taking lots of pictures as usual. Hopefully we'll get around with no problems, since neither of us know Italian. Solved another problem at work today, so I'll try to relax as much as I can with the report still nagging at the back of my mind. Talk to you all again soon.
Ciao!
Ciao!
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Album Version 2 - March 2 Update
Haven't had time the past couple days to work on the pages, but I do have a few things planned. The photo database will be tedious work, so I'll build it in parallel with my little Flash MP3 Player project. In addition, I'll also be using Flash to build a menu bar for site navigation.
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
Midnight Inspiration
Stepped out into the cold in the middle of the dark, clear night.
One chilling breath,
one look up at the countless constellations,
and I was overwhelmed again
by irrepressible loneliness.
How many times have I sucked in the same icy air,
looked up at the same starry skies,
yet everything around me
was so markedly different.
I used to hold your hand while our misty breaths mingled;
you used to be in my arms as we gazed at stars.
But all those are gone now,
a distant ghost of the past,
and I'm left standing alone
in a place I don't belong.
One chilling breath,
one look up at the countless constellations,
and I was overwhelmed again
by irrepressible loneliness.
How many times have I sucked in the same icy air,
looked up at the same starry skies,
yet everything around me
was so markedly different.
I used to hold your hand while our misty breaths mingled;
you used to be in my arms as we gazed at stars.
But all those are gone now,
a distant ghost of the past,
and I'm left standing alone
in a place I don't belong.
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