Knowing God is like knowing your father.
As a child, you spend the majority of your time around your parents. They teach you, nurture you, and generally impress upon you how you should live your life.
As a child, you continually ask questions, and push the boundaries, and in doing so, learn more about their characters, their standards, their morals and rules.
Basically, you find out what is expected of you, what you can get away with, and what is off-limits.
That's why, as you get older (or, more accurately, as you mature), certain questions no longer need asking. You've learned to discipline yourself according to the expectations and rules. You know they'd like you to help out around the house with chores; whether you do is another matter. You know they expect you to be responsible for homework, for practices, for fueling up the car; whether you are, again, is another matter.
Likewise, a born-again Christian goes through the same process in the spiritual level.
The idea that we are "born again", as Jesus said to Nicodemus, implies that we're infant Christians who need to grow to the "full measure of Christ".
Just as newborns need to be attended to constantly, and can consume only milk and baby food, and are weak and fragile and cannot stand on their own, so too newborn Christians need to be cared for, and taught the basics of our faith, and need to be reminded constantly of the hope in Christ.
Just as toddlers constantly ask "Why?" and wreak havoc around the house, and need discipline as the parents begin to mould them as individuals, and seek to help out around the house (although not always with the desired results), so too toddler Christians need to have their faith reinforced, and to have rules laid down for them as to what is acceptable behaviour, and to be given the first opportunities to serve God (though they may not reach the expected standards).
Just as teenagers are bound to question authority, and rebel against established rules in their quest for freedom and independence, so too Christians are prone to question God's authority, God's law, God's love, God's faithfulness, God's will, and indeed everything about God. Their failure to recognize that God has their best interests in mind - that, indeed, "萬事互相效力, 叫愛神的人得益處" - prevents them from experiencing at its fullest depth the bountifulness of God's grace.
Actually, I've once again strayed from the original intention of this post...
The point was... that I'm asking questions that, because of the amount of time I've spent with God, and because of my knowledge of God, I already know the answers to.
I know I shouldn't be asking for such things, because I know they fly in the face of God's will. I know I'm better off without them.
Is it wrong then to ask? Is it a sin? Or will it merely disappoint God?
Will asking continually somehow make God change His mind? Will pestering Him endlessly somehow soften Him up? Will He allow something less than optimal to take place if we want it badly enough? Will there be a happy ending? Or will He merely use it to teach us a lesson?
If I thought it was something even worth praying for... I would. But I really don't. I don't even honestly think that God will relent and let me have it my way even if I prayed my heart out.
So... why bother?
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Things Happen When They Happen
I guess Joanne is right.
Whatever's gonna happen, will happen when they're gonna happen.
I cannot even begin to wonder what God's schedule is.
But my whole life... God has never failed me.
My education, my career... everything came together when they needed to.
So who am I to doubt God now?
All I can do is follow Him.
Whatever's gonna happen, will happen when they're gonna happen.
I cannot even begin to wonder what God's schedule is.
But my whole life... God has never failed me.
My education, my career... everything came together when they needed to.
So who am I to doubt God now?
All I can do is follow Him.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Detached
Reviewing my recent posts... and it feels like I'm losing touch with reality.
Too much going on inside my head...
I thus resolve to focus a little more on what's actually happening in the physical world.
Too much going on inside my head...
I thus resolve to focus a little more on what's actually happening in the physical world.
Opportunities
If an opportunity presents itself, how do I know if the opportunity is from God?
Opportunities, in and of themselves, are neither good nor evil. They merely present us with the choice of doing either. An opportunity to dishonor God is also an opportunity to honor Him. An opportunity to stray from God is also an opportunity to follow Him. An opportunity to blaspheme God is also an opportunity to praise Him. An opportunity to wallow in self-pity is also an opportunity to count your blessings. An opportunity to avenge is also an opportunity to forgive.
The real question here is not whether the opportunity is good or evil, but whether our choice is good or evil. Furthermore, do we know what constitutes good and evil? How do we distinguish good from evil? What are the criteria? Because without criteria, we "cannot tell [our] right hand from [our] left". (Jonah 4:11)
Lastly, is there such a thing as an inconsequential or neutral reaction? Is it possible for a choice to be neither good nor evil? It feels like we're moving away from binary logic, into tri-state logic or even the realms of fuzzy logic.
Opportunities, in and of themselves, are neither good nor evil. They merely present us with the choice of doing either. An opportunity to dishonor God is also an opportunity to honor Him. An opportunity to stray from God is also an opportunity to follow Him. An opportunity to blaspheme God is also an opportunity to praise Him. An opportunity to wallow in self-pity is also an opportunity to count your blessings. An opportunity to avenge is also an opportunity to forgive.
The real question here is not whether the opportunity is good or evil, but whether our choice is good or evil. Furthermore, do we know what constitutes good and evil? How do we distinguish good from evil? What are the criteria? Because without criteria, we "cannot tell [our] right hand from [our] left". (Jonah 4:11)
Lastly, is there such a thing as an inconsequential or neutral reaction? Is it possible for a choice to be neither good nor evil? It feels like we're moving away from binary logic, into tri-state logic or even the realms of fuzzy logic.
Forget Me Not...
Been going through old photos the last couple days...
It's like picking scab off a healing wound, then rubbing salt into it, then pouring alcohol onto it, then taking a pen and jabbing at it just for kicks.
Why do I do this to myself? I don't know.
I guess I'm trying to remind myself of the pain... lest I ever forget how it felt.
Is it healthy? Probably not.
What's closer to the truth? "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"? Or "一朝被蛇咬, 十年怕井繩"?
It's like picking scab off a healing wound, then rubbing salt into it, then pouring alcohol onto it, then taking a pen and jabbing at it just for kicks.
Why do I do this to myself? I don't know.
I guess I'm trying to remind myself of the pain... lest I ever forget how it felt.
Is it healthy? Probably not.
What's closer to the truth? "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"? Or "一朝被蛇咬, 十年怕井繩"?
Priorities...
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." - Matthew 6:33 KJV
"你們要先求他的國和他的義, 這些東西都要加給你們了." -太 六：33
Rev. Kwan was saying, in Sunday School (sorry, I just can't get used to the "Bible School" moniker... it'll always be Sunday School to me, even on Saturdays...), that Isaac was much more blessed in his marriage than his son Jacob, because he allowed his dad, Abraham, to choose his bride (actually, Abraham entrusted that task to a servant...), who turned out to be Rebekah. Jacob, on the other hand, chose his own wife in Rachel.
Let us compare the two...
Abraham's servant prayed to God, "O LORD, God of my master Abraham, give me success today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water. May it be that when I say to a girl, 'Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,' and she says, 'Drink, and I'll water your camels too'-let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master." (Genesis 24:12-14)
Et voila! "Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder. She was the daughter of Bethuel son of Milcah, who was the wife of Abraham's brother Nahor. The girl was very beautiful, a virgin; no man had ever lain with her. She went down to the spring, filled her jar and came up again. The servant hurried to meet her and said, 'Please give me a little water from your jar.' 'Drink, my lord,' she said, and quickly lowered the jar to her hands and gave him a drink. After she had given him a drink, she said, 'I'll draw water for your camels too, until they have finished drinking.' So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough, ran back to the well to draw more water, and drew enough for all his camels. Without saying a word, the man watched her closely to learn whether or not the LORD had made his journey successful." (Genesis 24:15-21)
Meanwhile, how did Jacob choose Rachel? "Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel was lovely in form, and beautiful. Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, 'I'll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel.'" (Genesis 29:16-18)
An aside... we already saw the servant's attitude in Rebekah... what can we see in Rachel?
"When Laban had gone to shear his sheep, Rachel stole her father's household gods... Jacob had pitched his tent in the hill country of Gilead when Laban overtook him, and Laban and his relatives camped there too. Then Laban said to Jacob, 'What have you done? You've deceived me, and you've carried off my daughters like captives in war. Why did you run off secretly and deceive me? Why didn't you tell me, so I could send you away with joy and singing to the music of tambourines and harps? You didn't even let me kiss my grandchildren and my daughters good-by. You have done a foolish thing. I have the power to harm you; but last night the God of your father said to me, "Be careful not to say anything to Jacob, either good or bad." Now you have gone off because you longed to return to your father's house. But why did you steal my gods?' Jacob answered Laban, 'I was afraid, because I thought you would take your daughters away from me by force. But if you find anyone who has your gods, he shall not live. In the presence of our relatives, see for yourself whether there is anything of yours here with me; and if so, take it.' Now Jacob did not know that Rachel had stolen the gods. So Laban went into Jacob's tent and into Leah's tent and into the tent of the two maidservants, but he found nothing. After he came out of Leah's tent, he entered Rachel's tent. Now Rachel had taken the household gods and put them inside her camel's saddle and was sitting on them. Laban searched through everything in the tent but found nothing. Rachel said to her father, 'Don't be angry, my lord, that I cannot stand up in your presence; I'm having my period.' So he searched but could not find the household gods. Jacob was angry and took Laban to task. 'What is my crime?' he asked Laban. 'What sin have I committed that you hunt me down? Now that you have searched through all my goods, what have you found that belongs to your household? Put it here in front of your relatives and mine, and let them judge between the two of us.'" (Genesis 31:19, 25-37)
So whereas Rebekah was submissive, Rachel was deceitful to both her husband and her father. But hey, hold on, what's this?
"When Isaac was old and his eyes were so weak that he could no longer see, he called for Esau his older son and said to him, 'My son.' 'Here I am,' he answered. Isaac said, 'I am now an old man and don't know the day of my death. Now then, get your weapons—your quiver and bow—and go out to the open country to hunt some wild game for me. Prepare me the kind of tasty food I like and bring it to me to eat, so that I may give you my blessing before I die.' Now Rebekah was listening as Isaac spoke to his son Esau. When Esau left for the open country to hunt game and bring it back, Rebekah said to her son Jacob, 'Look, I overheard your father say to your brother Esau, "Bring me some game and prepare me some tasty food to eat, so that I may give you my blessing in the presence of the LORD before I die." Now, my son, listen carefully and do what I tell you: Go out to the flock and bring me two choice young goats, so I can prepare some tasty food for your father, just the way he likes it. Then take it to your father to eat, so that he may give you his blessing before he dies.' Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, 'But my brother Esau is a hairy man, and I'm a man with smooth skin. What if my father touches me? I would appear to be tricking him and would bring down a curse on myself rather than a blessing.' His mother said to him, 'My son, let the curse fall on me. Just do what I say; go and get them for me.'" (Genesis 27:1-13)
So it looks like Rebekah isn't completely innocent either.
Back to the original trian of thought... so Isaac's marriage was arranged, and representative of feudal society, whereas Jacob chose his own wife, thus more representative of modern society.
What were the consequences?
"Now Isaac had come from Beer Lahai Roi, for he was living in the Negev. He went out to the field one evening to meditate, and as he looked up, he saw camels approaching. Rebekah also looked up and saw Isaac. She got down from her camel and asked the servant, 'Who is that man in the field coming to meet us?' 'He is my master,' the servant answered. So she took her veil and covered herself. Then the servant told Isaac all he had done. Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death." (Genesis 24:62-67)
"When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, 'Give me children, or I'll die!' Jacob became angry with her and said, 'Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?'" (Genesis 30:1-2)
Despite not meeting Rebekah until practically wedding day, Isaac loved her. Jacob's family, however, was a mess - plagued by jealousy and rivalry.
But was it all down to the fact that Jacob chose his own wife? Let us see what Isaac said to him while sending him away...
"So Isaac called for Jacob and blessed him and commanded him: 'Do not marry a Canaanite woman. Go at once to Paddan Aram, to the house of your mother's father Bethuel. Take a wife for yourself there, from among the daughters of Laban, your mother's brother. May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and increase your numbers until you become a community of peoples. May he give you and your descendants the blessing given to Abraham, so that you may take possession of the land where you now live as an alien, the land God gave to Abraham.' Then Isaac sent Jacob on his way, and he went to Paddan Aram, to Laban son of Bethuel the Aramean, the brother of Rebekah, who was the mother of Jacob and Esau." (Genesis 28:1-5)
So in reality, Jacob had done all that his father commanded him. Although Isaac and Rebekah never met Leah or Rachel, Jacob had done exactly as his father said: Take a wife from among the daughter's of Laban. Which left him with one simple choice: Leah or Rachel. Was one choice really that much better or worse than the other?
Either way, we know God has the power to use all things, good or bad, to fulfill His ultimate will. Though Jacob's years were "few and difficult" (Genesis 47:9), God's promises to him were fulfilled nevertheless: "I will give you and your descendants the land on which you are lying. Your descendants will be like the dust of the earth, and you will spread out to the west and to the east, to the north and to the south. All peoples on earth will be blessed through you and your offspring. I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you." (Genesis 28:13-15)
So what, really, is the conclusion here? Are we for or against arranged marriage?
If we really wanted to examine a case where the parents were seriously displeased with a child's disobedience in the matters of marriage, should we not look at Esau instead?
I've been going on and on... and I just realized I don't even know what the original point of this post was...
I think part of it is trying to figure out how involved my parents need to be when it comes to my future marriage... and another part of it is trying to figure out how to actually find the girl I should marry...
"你們要先求他的國和他的義, 這些東西都要加給你們了." -太 六：33
Rev. Kwan was saying, in Sunday School (sorry, I just can't get used to the "Bible School" moniker... it'll always be Sunday School to me, even on Saturdays...), that Isaac was much more blessed in his marriage than his son Jacob, because he allowed his dad, Abraham, to choose his bride (actually, Abraham entrusted that task to a servant...), who turned out to be Rebekah. Jacob, on the other hand, chose his own wife in Rachel.
Let us compare the two...
Abraham's servant prayed to God, "O LORD, God of my master Abraham, give me success today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water. May it be that when I say to a girl, 'Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,' and she says, 'Drink, and I'll water your camels too'-let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master." (Genesis 24:12-14)
Et voila! "Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder. She was the daughter of Bethuel son of Milcah, who was the wife of Abraham's brother Nahor. The girl was very beautiful, a virgin; no man had ever lain with her. She went down to the spring, filled her jar and came up again. The servant hurried to meet her and said, 'Please give me a little water from your jar.' 'Drink, my lord,' she said, and quickly lowered the jar to her hands and gave him a drink. After she had given him a drink, she said, 'I'll draw water for your camels too, until they have finished drinking.' So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough, ran back to the well to draw more water, and drew enough for all his camels. Without saying a word, the man watched her closely to learn whether or not the LORD had made his journey successful." (Genesis 24:15-21)
Meanwhile, how did Jacob choose Rachel? "Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel was lovely in form, and beautiful. Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, 'I'll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel.'" (Genesis 29:16-18)
An aside... we already saw the servant's attitude in Rebekah... what can we see in Rachel?
"When Laban had gone to shear his sheep, Rachel stole her father's household gods... Jacob had pitched his tent in the hill country of Gilead when Laban overtook him, and Laban and his relatives camped there too. Then Laban said to Jacob, 'What have you done? You've deceived me, and you've carried off my daughters like captives in war. Why did you run off secretly and deceive me? Why didn't you tell me, so I could send you away with joy and singing to the music of tambourines and harps? You didn't even let me kiss my grandchildren and my daughters good-by. You have done a foolish thing. I have the power to harm you; but last night the God of your father said to me, "Be careful not to say anything to Jacob, either good or bad." Now you have gone off because you longed to return to your father's house. But why did you steal my gods?' Jacob answered Laban, 'I was afraid, because I thought you would take your daughters away from me by force. But if you find anyone who has your gods, he shall not live. In the presence of our relatives, see for yourself whether there is anything of yours here with me; and if so, take it.' Now Jacob did not know that Rachel had stolen the gods. So Laban went into Jacob's tent and into Leah's tent and into the tent of the two maidservants, but he found nothing. After he came out of Leah's tent, he entered Rachel's tent. Now Rachel had taken the household gods and put them inside her camel's saddle and was sitting on them. Laban searched through everything in the tent but found nothing. Rachel said to her father, 'Don't be angry, my lord, that I cannot stand up in your presence; I'm having my period.' So he searched but could not find the household gods. Jacob was angry and took Laban to task. 'What is my crime?' he asked Laban. 'What sin have I committed that you hunt me down? Now that you have searched through all my goods, what have you found that belongs to your household? Put it here in front of your relatives and mine, and let them judge between the two of us.'" (Genesis 31:19, 25-37)
So whereas Rebekah was submissive, Rachel was deceitful to both her husband and her father. But hey, hold on, what's this?
"When Isaac was old and his eyes were so weak that he could no longer see, he called for Esau his older son and said to him, 'My son.' 'Here I am,' he answered. Isaac said, 'I am now an old man and don't know the day of my death. Now then, get your weapons—your quiver and bow—and go out to the open country to hunt some wild game for me. Prepare me the kind of tasty food I like and bring it to me to eat, so that I may give you my blessing before I die.' Now Rebekah was listening as Isaac spoke to his son Esau. When Esau left for the open country to hunt game and bring it back, Rebekah said to her son Jacob, 'Look, I overheard your father say to your brother Esau, "Bring me some game and prepare me some tasty food to eat, so that I may give you my blessing in the presence of the LORD before I die." Now, my son, listen carefully and do what I tell you: Go out to the flock and bring me two choice young goats, so I can prepare some tasty food for your father, just the way he likes it. Then take it to your father to eat, so that he may give you his blessing before he dies.' Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, 'But my brother Esau is a hairy man, and I'm a man with smooth skin. What if my father touches me? I would appear to be tricking him and would bring down a curse on myself rather than a blessing.' His mother said to him, 'My son, let the curse fall on me. Just do what I say; go and get them for me.'" (Genesis 27:1-13)
So it looks like Rebekah isn't completely innocent either.
Back to the original trian of thought... so Isaac's marriage was arranged, and representative of feudal society, whereas Jacob chose his own wife, thus more representative of modern society.
What were the consequences?
"Now Isaac had come from Beer Lahai Roi, for he was living in the Negev. He went out to the field one evening to meditate, and as he looked up, he saw camels approaching. Rebekah also looked up and saw Isaac. She got down from her camel and asked the servant, 'Who is that man in the field coming to meet us?' 'He is my master,' the servant answered. So she took her veil and covered herself. Then the servant told Isaac all he had done. Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death." (Genesis 24:62-67)
"When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, 'Give me children, or I'll die!' Jacob became angry with her and said, 'Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?'" (Genesis 30:1-2)
Despite not meeting Rebekah until practically wedding day, Isaac loved her. Jacob's family, however, was a mess - plagued by jealousy and rivalry.
But was it all down to the fact that Jacob chose his own wife? Let us see what Isaac said to him while sending him away...
"So Isaac called for Jacob and blessed him and commanded him: 'Do not marry a Canaanite woman. Go at once to Paddan Aram, to the house of your mother's father Bethuel. Take a wife for yourself there, from among the daughters of Laban, your mother's brother. May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and increase your numbers until you become a community of peoples. May he give you and your descendants the blessing given to Abraham, so that you may take possession of the land where you now live as an alien, the land God gave to Abraham.' Then Isaac sent Jacob on his way, and he went to Paddan Aram, to Laban son of Bethuel the Aramean, the brother of Rebekah, who was the mother of Jacob and Esau." (Genesis 28:1-5)
So in reality, Jacob had done all that his father commanded him. Although Isaac and Rebekah never met Leah or Rachel, Jacob had done exactly as his father said: Take a wife from among the daughter's of Laban. Which left him with one simple choice: Leah or Rachel. Was one choice really that much better or worse than the other?
Either way, we know God has the power to use all things, good or bad, to fulfill His ultimate will. Though Jacob's years were "few and difficult" (Genesis 47:9), God's promises to him were fulfilled nevertheless: "I will give you and your descendants the land on which you are lying. Your descendants will be like the dust of the earth, and you will spread out to the west and to the east, to the north and to the south. All peoples on earth will be blessed through you and your offspring. I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you." (Genesis 28:13-15)
So what, really, is the conclusion here? Are we for or against arranged marriage?
If we really wanted to examine a case where the parents were seriously displeased with a child's disobedience in the matters of marriage, should we not look at Esau instead?
I've been going on and on... and I just realized I don't even know what the original point of this post was...
I think part of it is trying to figure out how involved my parents need to be when it comes to my future marriage... and another part of it is trying to figure out how to actually find the girl I should marry...
Eyes
I like to take pictures...
I take pictures of the oddest things... including my Hoops & Yoyo plushes...
But... I don't like being in pictures...
And suddenly... one day...
I realize there aren't many pictures of myself...
Plenty of records of what I've seen with my own eyes...
But very little of what others see of me...
And... thus... I can't tell what others see when they look at me...
I take pictures of the oddest things... including my Hoops & Yoyo plushes...
But... I don't like being in pictures...
And suddenly... one day...
I realize there aren't many pictures of myself...
Plenty of records of what I've seen with my own eyes...
But very little of what others see of me...
And... thus... I can't tell what others see when they look at me...
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Ramblings...
I wanna slowdance with you... holding you in my arms... your head on my shoulder... as we sway to the music under the moonlight...
I wanna hold your hand... and your gaze... and watch you shyly look away as the sunset flickers in your eyes... and listen to your voice against the waves... as you snuggle your sandy feet against mine, wriggling your toes...
I wanna sing you a love song... with my voice and my guitar... and I'll misplay many notes... and you'll hear and laugh... and I'll laugh along and keep going anyway...
But my sweet love... forgive me this... when I'm on the field running after a ball with twenty-one other men... and I seem to forget you... know that every goal I score... and every match I win... I dedicate to you...
I wanna hold your hand... and your gaze... and watch you shyly look away as the sunset flickers in your eyes... and listen to your voice against the waves... as you snuggle your sandy feet against mine, wriggling your toes...
I wanna sing you a love song... with my voice and my guitar... and I'll misplay many notes... and you'll hear and laugh... and I'll laugh along and keep going anyway...
But my sweet love... forgive me this... when I'm on the field running after a ball with twenty-one other men... and I seem to forget you... know that every goal I score... and every match I win... I dedicate to you...
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Five Stages of Drunkenness
Denial - "I'm not drunk!"
Anger - *Shaking fists* "I said I'm not *bleep*ing drunk!!!"
Bargaining - "Come on, let me have one more beer."
Depression - "Oh sh*t, there's no more beer."
Acceptance - *Slurring* "Mmmmk I'm drunk..." *Topples over and falls off barstool*
Anger - *Shaking fists* "I said I'm not *bleep*ing drunk!!!"
Bargaining - "Come on, let me have one more beer."
Depression - "Oh sh*t, there's no more beer."
Acceptance - *Slurring* "Mmmmk I'm drunk..." *Topples over and falls off barstool*
WWJD?
Having a major faith crisis.
Missed the first train this morning, and as I was waiting on the platform, a couple of train operators chased a woman off the train that was going out of service for the morning.
She stumbled off the train and sat down on the bench, shivering and fidgeting. Everybody just looked on.
I didn't know what to do. I wanted to ask if she was alright, if she wanted to go inside and stay warm. I wanted to offer her something to eat or drink.
But I just stood there, watching, wondering, like the rest of the world.
The next train came and she scurried on, and I lost sight of her.
The entire way to downtown, I felt awful and couldn't fall asleep. What happened next only made matters worse.
Just as we left City Hall, a coworker of mine left his seat halfway down the car and sat down next to me. Then I heard loud mumblings in the direction from which he came. I asked if somebody was talking to himself. He said some guy on painkillers or something sat down next to him, and he didn't feel like chatting, so he got up and walked away.
I was torn. I didn't know what I could or should do. Was I supposed to get up and go to this man to see if he needed help? Was I supposed to talk to him? Preach to him? Was I supposed to do anything to show my coworker what Christians do in this world? I couldn't. I just sat there looking out my window as though nothing was going on.
"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.
"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." - Matthew 5:13-16
By now I was in a full-blown crisis. What kind of Christian am I? How was I remotely different from anyone else? Did I feel compassion for these people? Sure. But how does that mean anything when it doesn't translate into actions? I could blame it on my personality, my upbringing. But is faith not supposed to transform a person? I'm nearly too ashamed to profess my faith anymore.
Does this make me a hypocrite? Am I no better than a Pharisee?
As I got up to get off at my stop, I saw the woman again, curled up in a seat not ten feet from mine. It was the final slap in the face.
Missed the first train this morning, and as I was waiting on the platform, a couple of train operators chased a woman off the train that was going out of service for the morning.
She stumbled off the train and sat down on the bench, shivering and fidgeting. Everybody just looked on.
I didn't know what to do. I wanted to ask if she was alright, if she wanted to go inside and stay warm. I wanted to offer her something to eat or drink.
But I just stood there, watching, wondering, like the rest of the world.
The next train came and she scurried on, and I lost sight of her.
The entire way to downtown, I felt awful and couldn't fall asleep. What happened next only made matters worse.
Just as we left City Hall, a coworker of mine left his seat halfway down the car and sat down next to me. Then I heard loud mumblings in the direction from which he came. I asked if somebody was talking to himself. He said some guy on painkillers or something sat down next to him, and he didn't feel like chatting, so he got up and walked away.
I was torn. I didn't know what I could or should do. Was I supposed to get up and go to this man to see if he needed help? Was I supposed to talk to him? Preach to him? Was I supposed to do anything to show my coworker what Christians do in this world? I couldn't. I just sat there looking out my window as though nothing was going on.
"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.
"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." - Matthew 5:13-16
By now I was in a full-blown crisis. What kind of Christian am I? How was I remotely different from anyone else? Did I feel compassion for these people? Sure. But how does that mean anything when it doesn't translate into actions? I could blame it on my personality, my upbringing. But is faith not supposed to transform a person? I'm nearly too ashamed to profess my faith anymore.
Does this make me a hypocrite? Am I no better than a Pharisee?
As I got up to get off at my stop, I saw the woman again, curled up in a seat not ten feet from mine. It was the final slap in the face.
Monday, March 05, 2007
Müde
Anxiety is like a debilitating toxin...
It slowly eats away at your emotional being... leaving you dysfunctional and vulnerable...
Your physical health is compromised as well... as your body becomes deprived of rest...
All that energy that could translate into productivity... instead is wasted on senseless wanderings of the mind...
Life would be so much simpler if one could stop worrying... just do what is asked of him... and "qué será, será"...
It slowly eats away at your emotional being... leaving you dysfunctional and vulnerable...
Your physical health is compromised as well... as your body becomes deprived of rest...
All that energy that could translate into productivity... instead is wasted on senseless wanderings of the mind...
Life would be so much simpler if one could stop worrying... just do what is asked of him... and "qué será, será"...
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