Waged a battle over the past several days against some spyware progs my laptop picked up while surfing for keys. Came to a head last night and finally, at long last, the dreaded dll's fingers on the ledge finally let go, and they were wiped off the edge into oblivion.
Ran at least five different anti-malware utilities, including ewido, Microsoft AntiSpyware, CCleaner, Ad-Aware, Spy-Bot, and XoftSpy. Finally stumbled upon the win32delfkil package, which, when combined with ProcessExplorer for killing the winlogon.exe process (the Beyond Logic utility entered an infinite loop while trying to kill it), did the trick in isolating the rogue dll's (adsldpbf.dll, browsela.dll) and ending their miserable existence. Thank God for forums.
Gonna have to take much greater care next time I need to find a key.
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Boxing Day Tragedy in Toronto
The Globe and Mail: Slain teenager veered blithely into crossfire
canada.com: 'Bright light tragically scattered'
Please read the above story if you haven't heard. Tragic. What can we do about gang violence in Canada?
The story caught my eye thanks to a 8x6 blowup of the teenager's face, and the fact that she loved Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt.
canada.com: 'Bright light tragically scattered'
Please read the above story if you haven't heard. Tragic. What can we do about gang violence in Canada?
The story caught my eye thanks to a 8x6 blowup of the teenager's face, and the fact that she loved Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt.
Anticlimax
Went onto Infonet to check my marks for this past semester. Heart was racing and I was ready to completely flip out on an F. Then when the page finally loaded after I logged in, I scrolled down and saw that not a single mark had been posted yet. What could I do? I laughed. A little nervously, but I laughed all the same.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Amused
You know, it really is true that there are so many girls out there. I really needn't worry. Sooner or later I'll run into one who's pretty and unattached.
Luck
It intrigues me how people would rather count on luck to get them through the obstacles in life than to place their hopes in the One who loves them and who has the cosmos in the palm of His hand.
Some ask others to "wish them luck" in the face of challenges, like final exams or project proposals or business meetings with potential clients or major surgeries or live performances. But what is luck? And where does it come from? Who does it belong to? Whose is it to give? And on what conditions are they given? How do you know when you have it? What can you do to earn it? Who can you ask for it? How do you know it is working for you and not against?
I don't need luck. And I've always tried to avoid using the phrase "good luck" for my friends and my brothers and sisters. Especially my brothers and sisters. You see, it's more important for me (and for us all) to have God's love than to have luck, more desirable to have God on your side than Lady Luck on your side.
Love is God (because God is love). Love comes from God. Love belongs to God. Love is God's to give. Love is given unconditionally. You have love when you have God. You don't need to do anything to earn love. You can ask God for love. And God's love is always for you, never against.
Those, my friend, are the reasons why I'd choose God and His love over some vague concept as luck, which I see as grasping at straws and at wisps of smoke. Because those questions can be answered for God's love.
"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love." - Jesus, John 15:9
Some ask others to "wish them luck" in the face of challenges, like final exams or project proposals or business meetings with potential clients or major surgeries or live performances. But what is luck? And where does it come from? Who does it belong to? Whose is it to give? And on what conditions are they given? How do you know when you have it? What can you do to earn it? Who can you ask for it? How do you know it is working for you and not against?
I don't need luck. And I've always tried to avoid using the phrase "good luck" for my friends and my brothers and sisters. Especially my brothers and sisters. You see, it's more important for me (and for us all) to have God's love than to have luck, more desirable to have God on your side than Lady Luck on your side.
Love is God (because God is love). Love comes from God. Love belongs to God. Love is God's to give. Love is given unconditionally. You have love when you have God. You don't need to do anything to earn love. You can ask God for love. And God's love is always for you, never against.
Those, my friend, are the reasons why I'd choose God and His love over some vague concept as luck, which I see as grasping at straws and at wisps of smoke. Because those questions can be answered for God's love.
"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love." - Jesus, John 15:9
Sunday, December 25, 2005
失望
Rarely does a day go by without me being disappointed in myself for one thing or another.
It's tough, living like this... I always feel I can and should do better... but I never do.
I know the Lord has accepted me the way I am... but somehow that doesn't help my self-esteem.
It's tough, living like this... I always feel I can and should do better... but I never do.
I know the Lord has accepted me the way I am... but somehow that doesn't help my self-esteem.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
My Sleep-Deprived Nap Dream
See if you can guess to which tune the following chorus is written:
Even the naps are better
After I pull all-nighters
Even the naps are better
When I lack sleep
Even the dreams are stranger
When someone so hot's the main star
Even the naps are better
When I lack sleep
Haha, I'm totally on a roll...
Anyway, had an amazing dream when I finally got to nap for a bit after staying up for 23 hours straight working on the Digital Video Processing project (not even close to my record...). I saw in my dream the hottest girl I knew back when I was in high school. And she was single. And we talked. Okay you don't see how exciting that is. See, I never talk to hot girls in real life. Like, never. Well, you knew that. Although, I did read something about how hot girls are the easiest to pick up, cuz all these guys (like moi) don't have the guts to chat them up. Hmmm...
Anyway, just had to get that down on paper. Figuratively speaking.
Even the naps are better
After I pull all-nighters
Even the naps are better
When I lack sleep
Even the dreams are stranger
When someone so hot's the main star
Even the naps are better
When I lack sleep
Haha, I'm totally on a roll...
Anyway, had an amazing dream when I finally got to nap for a bit after staying up for 23 hours straight working on the Digital Video Processing project (not even close to my record...). I saw in my dream the hottest girl I knew back when I was in high school. And she was single. And we talked. Okay you don't see how exciting that is. See, I never talk to hot girls in real life. Like, never. Well, you knew that. Although, I did read something about how hot girls are the easiest to pick up, cuz all these guys (like moi) don't have the guts to chat them up. Hmmm...
Anyway, just had to get that down on paper. Figuratively speaking.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Post-Exam Alex
Here's something else you should know about me...
While most people either go hyper-giddy or get post-final depression, I become a smartalecky know-it-all, capable of turning any and all normal conversations into discussions involving mathematics/physics/computing/any other subject I've spent a decent amount of time studying.
I think I'm especially annoying post-exam.
While most people either go hyper-giddy or get post-final depression, I become a smartalecky know-it-all, capable of turning any and all normal conversations into discussions involving mathematics/physics/computing/any other subject I've spent a decent amount of time studying.
I think I'm especially annoying post-exam.
God's Perfect Test
So the marks came out on the Computer Architectures final... you know, the one where God poured answers into my head.
No surprise, God aced it.
Thank God that I could at least rest easy on one course mark.
No surprise, God aced it.
Thank God that I could at least rest easy on one course mark.
Stress
December 8: CPSC471 Assignment 3
December 9:4th Year Project Progress Report, ENCM525 Project, ENCM503 Final
December 14-16:One final per day
December 20:ENCM503 Project
Oh God thank you for helping me through all that. I could not have done it without You.
December 9:
December 14-16:
December 20:
Oh God thank you for helping me through all that. I could not have done it without You.
Project Hell
To the tune of Jingle, Bells...
Dashin' thro' the code
On a cup of chocolate
O'er the notes we go
Part marks all the way! (Hohoho!)
Cells on chargers ring
Driving me insane
What fun it is to write and sing a song to ease my pain, hey!
* Project hell, project hell
Part marks all the way
Oh what fun it is to drive when you're only half-awake, hey!
Project hell, project hell
Part marks all the way
Oh what fun it is to drive when you're only half-awake *
Now my face is white
Think I did this wrong
Can't go out tonight
Stay up all night long
I'll die another day
Right now I've got to read
I wish it could get done today 'cause SH*T I need my sleep
Repeat *
Lyrics Copyright 2005 Alex Cheung
Obviously delirious... but I still hope you enjoyed it as much as I did... ;-)
Dashin' thro' the code
On a cup of chocolate
O'er the notes we go
Part marks all the way! (Hohoho!)
Cells on chargers ring
Driving me insane
What fun it is to write and sing a song to ease my pain, hey!
* Project hell, project hell
Part marks all the way
Oh what fun it is to drive when you're only half-awake, hey!
Project hell, project hell
Part marks all the way
Oh what fun it is to drive when you're only half-awake *
Now my face is white
Think I did this wrong
Can't go out tonight
Stay up all night long
I'll die another day
Right now I've got to read
I wish it could get done today 'cause SH*T I need my sleep
Repeat *
Lyrics Copyright 2005 Alex Cheung
Obviously delirious... but I still hope you enjoyed it as much as I did... ;-)
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Person
I know all kinds of people.
I know some people wouldn't mind being around me all day, because they find me a truly lovely person.
I also know some people don't really want to be around me all that much, if at all avoidable, because they find me rather annoying.
And then there are those who find me downright revolting...
What kind of person do you think I am?
I know some people wouldn't mind being around me all day, because they find me a truly lovely person.
I also know some people don't really want to be around me all that much, if at all avoidable, because they find me rather annoying.
And then there are those who find me downright revolting...
What kind of person do you think I am?
Saturday, December 17, 2005
People
I know all kinds of people.
I know some truly lovely people, whom I wouldn't mind being around all day.
I also know some rather annoying people, whom I don't really want to be around all that much, if at all avoidable.
And then there are those who are downright revolting. You know, those who can make you completely lose your appetite, even with sushi sitting in front of you.
I know some truly lovely people, whom I wouldn't mind being around all day.
I also know some rather annoying people, whom I don't really want to be around all that much, if at all avoidable.
And then there are those who are downright revolting. You know, those who can make you completely lose your appetite, even with sushi sitting in front of you.
HMV
Argh, this has been bothering the heck outta me for the past two days.
Went to HMV on Wednesday looking for Christmas CDs. When I walked in, they were playing this really slow, mellow, guitar vocal song by a male artist that I thought was really good. So I tried to commit some of the lyrics to my memory, intent on looking it up later on the net. Well, surprise surprise! By the time I got home the lyrics had slipped my mind.
So now I'm screwed. I went back to HMV hoping that they could give me a hand in figuring out what songs they might've played that time that day, but they weren't much help. Guy said they normally just pull a bunch of CDs off the bestsellers shelves and pop them in, but he couldn't give me much more than that. I scanned through the shelves and found most of them were rock, whereas the song I'd heard was much softer, might even be country or folk. I thought about Keith Urban, but I haven't found anything by him that sounds like what I heard.
So annoyed. Anybody got ideas about how to find a song by the vague descriptions above?
Went to HMV on Wednesday looking for Christmas CDs. When I walked in, they were playing this really slow, mellow, guitar vocal song by a male artist that I thought was really good. So I tried to commit some of the lyrics to my memory, intent on looking it up later on the net. Well, surprise surprise! By the time I got home the lyrics had slipped my mind.
So now I'm screwed. I went back to HMV hoping that they could give me a hand in figuring out what songs they might've played that time that day, but they weren't much help. Guy said they normally just pull a bunch of CDs off the bestsellers shelves and pop them in, but he couldn't give me much more than that. I scanned through the shelves and found most of them were rock, whereas the song I'd heard was much softer, might even be country or folk. I thought about Keith Urban, but I haven't found anything by him that sounds like what I heard.
So annoyed. Anybody got ideas about how to find a song by the vague descriptions above?
Friday, December 16, 2005
Jamie Cullum in die Schweiz
Never thought I'd wanna go back to Switzerland so badly, until I saw this...
Jamie Cullum's gonna be in Zürich and Genève next month... *sob sob*
Oh my word you know what else I just found out??
James Blunt is going to be in Zürich one day before Jamie. Double frick! *sob sob*
Jamie Cullum's gonna be in Zürich and Genève next month... *sob sob*
Oh my word you know what else I just found out??
James Blunt is going to be in Zürich one day before Jamie. Double frick! *sob sob*
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Resonance
Somehow, my heart really resonates with this song. So many things that have faded with time that come alive in my mind again with the slightest of reminders. Indeed, these two lines capture it best:
It's just another story caught up in another photograph I found
And it seems like another person lived that life a great many years ago from now.
Photograph
Jamie Cullum
Music & Lyrics by: Jamie Cullum
From: Catching Tales, Track #3
Her name was written on a photograph
Right next to her red sunburnt face
It all had happened in that long tall grass
About a mile from her old place
I can't remember how it started and if it lasted that day in the sun
We said that we were going to study hard
We held our books instead of hands
She held a blanket over cans of beer
I can't deny I was so full of fear
It's just another story caught up in another photograph I found
And it seems like another person lived that life a great many years ago from now.
When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life
I see so much magic though I missed it at the time
when I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life
I see so much magic though I missed it at the time
And there's the first time that I tried that stuff
I think I look a little green
I remember throwing up behind a bush
And I found it hard to use my feet
And who's that easily led little boy who's really off his head?
It was the same night that I kissed that girl
The tall one with the auburn hair
I remember laughing 'cause to kiss me
She had to sit down on a chair
And she tasted like the schnapps she'd drunk
And the cigarettes she'd stolen from her mum
And it's just another story caught up in another photograph I found
When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life
I see so much magic though I missed it at the time
When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life
I see so much magic though I missed it at the time
It's just another story caught up in another photograph I found
And it seems like another person lived that life a great many years ago from now.
Photograph
Jamie Cullum
Music & Lyrics by: Jamie Cullum
From: Catching Tales, Track #3
Her name was written on a photograph
Right next to her red sunburnt face
It all had happened in that long tall grass
About a mile from her old place
I can't remember how it started and if it lasted that day in the sun
We said that we were going to study hard
We held our books instead of hands
She held a blanket over cans of beer
I can't deny I was so full of fear
It's just another story caught up in another photograph I found
And it seems like another person lived that life a great many years ago from now.
When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life
I see so much magic though I missed it at the time
when I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life
I see so much magic though I missed it at the time
And there's the first time that I tried that stuff
I think I look a little green
I remember throwing up behind a bush
And I found it hard to use my feet
And who's that easily led little boy who's really off his head?
It was the same night that I kissed that girl
The tall one with the auburn hair
I remember laughing 'cause to kiss me
She had to sit down on a chair
And she tasted like the schnapps she'd drunk
And the cigarettes she'd stolen from her mum
And it's just another story caught up in another photograph I found
When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life
I see so much magic though I missed it at the time
When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life
I see so much magic though I missed it at the time
Thankful
Oh God, oh man, oh my God... I can't begin to describe how thankful I am to God for helping me through that Computer Architectures exam... seriously, he literally taught me two of the four biggie questions right there on the spot... I could never have dreamed of finding the solutions on my own, without His inspiration...
Yesterday's Neuro-Fuzzy final was brutal... there was really no hope for that... I did the best I could... it's all in God's hands now...
One more to go... might be up all night again tonight... a man's gotta do what he's gotta do...
Yesterday's Neuro-Fuzzy final was brutal... there was really no hope for that... I did the best I could... it's all in God's hands now...
One more to go... might be up all night again tonight... a man's gotta do what he's gotta do...
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Ich bin nicht interessant...
That's all there is to it. I'm not a very interesting person. My studies aren't interesting. My hobbies aren't interesting. Pretty soon I'll be working an uninteresting job.
What kinda girls would want a boring guy?
What kinda girls would want a boring guy?
Mess
Oh man, what a mess. Can you believe I actually had my exam times all mixed up? I thought I had an 8am on Wednesday, a 12 noon on Thursday, and another 8am on Friday. Turns out it's actually 12 noon on Wednesday and Friday, and 8am on Thursday. And I had the subjects mixed up for Thursday and Friday.
Holy crap imagine if I hadn't found out... I would've studied for the wrong subject and showed up at the wrong time...
Totally not ready for this...
Holy crap imagine if I hadn't found out... I would've studied for the wrong subject and showed up at the wrong time...
Totally not ready for this...
Monday, December 12, 2005
The Enigma that is Me
The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines enigma as:
Main Entry: enig·ma
Pronunciation: i-'nig-m&, e-
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin aenigma, from Greek ainigmat-, ainigma, from ainissesthai to speak in riddles, from ainos fable
1 : an obscure speech or writing
2 : something hard to understand or explain
3 : an inscrutable or mysterious person
Luis expressed once again tonight his frustration at how I view myself. At times arrogant, occasionally insecure, and often despondent. He insists there's no reason to belittle myself.
I suppose that, since I know there's a perfect gift prepared for me some years down the road, I ought to be happily looking forward to receiving it. Instead I'm trapped in this endless cycle of guessworks and disappointments.
Main Entry: enig·ma
Pronunciation: i-'nig-m&, e-
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin aenigma, from Greek ainigmat-, ainigma, from ainissesthai to speak in riddles, from ainos fable
1 : an obscure speech or writing
2 : something hard to understand or explain
3 : an inscrutable or mysterious person
Luis expressed once again tonight his frustration at how I view myself. At times arrogant, occasionally insecure, and often despondent. He insists there's no reason to belittle myself.
I suppose that, since I know there's a perfect gift prepared for me some years down the road, I ought to be happily looking forward to receiving it. Instead I'm trapped in this endless cycle of guessworks and disappointments.
Reminders
You know, God keeps sending me reminders.
And yet, I keep falling, taking steps back. *Frowns*
Not that I go on and do anything bad... but...
Let me draw an analogy... a father has the perfect present in mind for his son's brithday, coming up some time in the future (not so near that he's in a rush to buy it, not so distant that he hasn't planned to buy it)...
And knowing his father has this perfect gift in mind, everytime the son goes to the mall, he looks at store displays, sees things that catch his eyes, and wonders if that's what his father prepared for him.
And everytime father and son goes window-shopping together, the son would drag his father to this store or that store, hinting at whatever he thought was cool or would make a great gift. "Perhaps", he thought to himself, "I could guess what dad has planned for me, and he'll be proud of how smart his son is. Or perhaps he'll change his mind and give me one of these really cool gifts. Or perhaps..."
But, again and again, his father smiles and shakes his head when he asks, "Is this what you're getting me?" or "Can you just get me this for my birthday?" The son becomes discouraged and frustrated, and even starts doubting this "perfect present" his dad supposedly has in mind.
"What's wrong with this? I'll be happy with this! Why can't you just give me this? I'm not asking for very much here!" The son begins to rail and rant. But his father smiles and remains silent.
"Fine then, how about this? Why don't you give me a hint? Or just show me a glimpse of it? I promise I won't get all preoccupied with it!" The son proceeds to beg, desperate for his father to shed some light on the big secret. All this suspense is beginning to get to him; he just has to know. What harm can it do, anyway? Yet his father persists in staying mum.
"Forget it! I don't need your stinkin' present anyway!" In a huff, the son storms off and runs home, leaving his father standing there, at the mall, a melancholic smile on his face, shaking his head. How he wishes his son would have a little faith in him.
(Sorry, I don't know how the story ends... I hope in the future to write a fitting ending...)
Note: Originally posted Dec 11, 2005, @ 0417. This is an updated version.
And yet, I keep falling, taking steps back. *Frowns*
Not that I go on and do anything bad... but...
Let me draw an analogy... a father has the perfect present in mind for his son's brithday, coming up some time in the future (not so near that he's in a rush to buy it, not so distant that he hasn't planned to buy it)...
And knowing his father has this perfect gift in mind, everytime the son goes to the mall, he looks at store displays, sees things that catch his eyes, and wonders if that's what his father prepared for him.
And everytime father and son goes window-shopping together, the son would drag his father to this store or that store, hinting at whatever he thought was cool or would make a great gift. "Perhaps", he thought to himself, "I could guess what dad has planned for me, and he'll be proud of how smart his son is. Or perhaps he'll change his mind and give me one of these really cool gifts. Or perhaps..."
But, again and again, his father smiles and shakes his head when he asks, "Is this what you're getting me?" or "Can you just get me this for my birthday?" The son becomes discouraged and frustrated, and even starts doubting this "perfect present" his dad supposedly has in mind.
"What's wrong with this? I'll be happy with this! Why can't you just give me this? I'm not asking for very much here!" The son begins to rail and rant. But his father smiles and remains silent.
"Fine then, how about this? Why don't you give me a hint? Or just show me a glimpse of it? I promise I won't get all preoccupied with it!" The son proceeds to beg, desperate for his father to shed some light on the big secret. All this suspense is beginning to get to him; he just has to know. What harm can it do, anyway? Yet his father persists in staying mum.
"Forget it! I don't need your stinkin' present anyway!" In a huff, the son storms off and runs home, leaving his father standing there, at the mall, a melancholic smile on his face, shaking his head. How he wishes his son would have a little faith in him.
(Sorry, I don't know how the story ends... I hope in the future to write a fitting ending...)
Note: Originally posted Dec 11, 2005, @ 0417. This is an updated version.
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Oh My God I'm Going Broke
More splurgings on deck...
Mushkin 512MB PC3200 DDR SDRAM: $44.95 (MemoryExpress)
Seagate 250GB Barracuda 7200RPM SATA HD: $119.95 (MemoryExpress)
LG/Pioneer/NEC 16x Dual-Layer DVD+/-RW: $45.95/$49.95 (MemoryExpress)
Sapphire Radeon 9600 Pro Advantage 256MB AGP: $89.95 (MemoryExpress)
Logitech Z-5300e 5.1 Speakers: $167.99 (BestBuy after PM on MemoryExpress)
19" LCD Monitor: approx. $400
Man... life savings going down the drain...
Mushkin 512MB PC3200 DDR SDRAM: $44.95 (MemoryExpress)
Seagate 250GB Barracuda 7200RPM SATA HD: $119.95 (MemoryExpress)
LG/Pioneer/NEC 16x Dual-Layer DVD+/-RW: $45.95/$49.95 (MemoryExpress)
Sapphire Radeon 9600 Pro Advantage 256MB AGP: $89.95 (MemoryExpress)
Logitech Z-5300e 5.1 Speakers: $167.99 (BestBuy after PM on MemoryExpress)
19" LCD Monitor: approx. $400
Man... life savings going down the drain...
More Splurging
Back to Bedlam album by James Blunt: $13.47
Logitech Coredless Rumblepad 2: $17.11
Savings on Best Buy Northland's opening: $57.10
Making someone happy: Priceless
Logitech Coredless Rumblepad 2: $17.11
Savings on Best Buy Northland's opening: $57.10
Making someone happy: Priceless
What's the Point?
I said I wouldn't think about it.
Why can't I do as I say?
God, if it's hopeless, if it's another deadend, please help me forget and distance myself from this. Please take away what I see as chances, and what You see as temptations.
(My God answers prayers!)
Why can't I do as I say?
God, if it's hopeless, if it's another deadend, please help me forget and distance myself from this. Please take away what I see as chances, and what You see as temptations.
(My God answers prayers!)
Friday, December 09, 2005
Hot
Think my laptop's hanging/blue screen problems might be related to overheating, as it seems to occur after a few minutes of intense CPU usage. Maybe clearing up the dust-covered fans will help, maybe not. Will look at it this weekend.
Microsoft's crash analysis tool says it might be faulty RAM. Could look into that too. But when was anything by Microsoft ever reliable? *Laughs*
Microsoft's crash analysis tool says it might be faulty RAM. Could look into that too. But when was anything by Microsoft ever reliable? *Laughs*
Unfocused
Can't keep my mind on studying.
Not from a lack of sleep... did nap for five hours earlier after going 29 hours straight.
But I can't keep you out of my mind.
Man, this couldn't happen at a worse time.
Or maybe it can... we'll know by next week.
Not from a lack of sleep... did nap for five hours earlier after going 29 hours straight.
But I can't keep you out of my mind.
Man, this couldn't happen at a worse time.
Or maybe it can... we'll know by next week.
Shortcuts
Me asking to skip the Exams and just get to Christmas would be like Christ asking to skip the Cross and just get to Heaven.
It can be done, but it'd be detrimental to everyone at stake.
It can be done, but it'd be detrimental to everyone at stake.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
So, I guess this is...
Goodbye My Lover
James Blunt
From the recording: Back to Bedlam, Track #4
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
James Blunt
From the recording: Back to Bedlam, Track #4
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
Gifted vs. Used
Is it better to be Gifted or to be Used by God?
Someone who is gifted, but who refuses to be used by God, eventually has his gifts taken away.
Someone who is used by God, even if he was not born with gifts, will be gifted as needed to do God's work.
Someone who is gifted, but who refuses to be used by God, eventually has his gifts taken away.
Someone who is used by God, even if he was not born with gifts, will be gifted as needed to do God's work.
Gifts
The notion that a person is gifted, or born with gifts, implies that there is a Giver of gifts.
Unfortunately, many gifted people never recognize the Giver, let alone thank him for the gifts.
So, the one who gives, who also has the power to take away, eventually takes away the gifts.
Matthew 25:29 "For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him."
So, he who uses what he was given to serve the Giver, will be given more. He who does not, will have it taken from him.
So, what have I been given?
And how can I use what I was given to serve the Giver and others?
Unfortunately, many gifted people never recognize the Giver, let alone thank him for the gifts.
So, the one who gives, who also has the power to take away, eventually takes away the gifts.
Matthew 25:29 "For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him."
So, he who uses what he was given to serve the Giver, will be given more. He who does not, will have it taken from him.
So, what have I been given?
And how can I use what I was given to serve the Giver and others?
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
SQL
Can somebody tell me how to write a SQL statement on a 12-table database that could take minutes to compute on a server run locally on a P4 2.66GHz machine with a single database connection? Cuz I sure as hell can't figure it out.
Russell Peters in New York
First of all, huge thanks to the girl who sent me this link. I don't think she reads my blog, but thanks anyway.
Please be warned, however, that this contains mature subject matter.
Please be warned, however, that this contains mature subject matter.
Monday, December 05, 2005
Holiday Tasks
- Set up album site again.
- Visit campsite for retreat.
- Boxing Day shoppathon.
- 4th year project coding.
- Install new soundcard on my desktop.
- Possibly clean reinstalls of both laptop and desktop.
- Install MacOS X Tiger on laptop.
Rides
I've always enjoyed giving rides to friends and brothers and sisters.
I don't do it for their gratitudes. I don't do it to show off. I don't do it to earn brownie points.
I do it because it's one way to serve them. And it's something I know I can do.
And I genuinely enjoy it. I enjoy being able to talk with them on the way. Much the same way, perhaps, as a cab driver loves bantering with passengers.
I'm almost always surprised when people come to me asking for a ride with a look on their faces like they were fearing I might say no. I don't know where they get that impression of me from. I rarely ever say no, even if it's a little out of the way for me (and especially if it's a girl...). The only reason I'd say no is if I was short on time. Or maybe if I hated your guts. *Laughs*
In any case, I think I should probably drive a smaller car. Vans don't exactly help you save on gas.
And they aren't exactly chick-mobiles either. *Laughs again*
I don't do it for their gratitudes. I don't do it to show off. I don't do it to earn brownie points.
I do it because it's one way to serve them. And it's something I know I can do.
And I genuinely enjoy it. I enjoy being able to talk with them on the way. Much the same way, perhaps, as a cab driver loves bantering with passengers.
I'm almost always surprised when people come to me asking for a ride with a look on their faces like they were fearing I might say no. I don't know where they get that impression of me from. I rarely ever say no, even if it's a little out of the way for me (and especially if it's a girl...). The only reason I'd say no is if I was short on time. Or maybe if I hated your guts. *Laughs*
In any case, I think I should probably drive a smaller car. Vans don't exactly help you save on gas.
And they aren't exactly chick-mobiles either. *Laughs again*
Sunday, December 04, 2005
心凉
Had a dream last night.
Bordered on being a nightmare, but I must say I enjoyed it while it lasted.
Acted out against certain people like I never would in reality. And it felt good.
But perhaps it reflects a hidden, buried hatred that quietly burns deep within me.
Bordered on being a nightmare, but I must say I enjoyed it while it lasted.
Acted out against certain people like I never would in reality. And it felt good.
But perhaps it reflects a hidden, buried hatred that quietly burns deep within me.
Faith, Hope, in Love
Genesis 2
v.22: Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
v.23: The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man."
[Italics mine]
That's the verse I'm clinging to right now. That in due time, God will bring her to me.
I don't know who she is. She doesn't know who I am. But He knows.
v.22: Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
v.23: The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man."
[Italics mine]
That's the verse I'm clinging to right now. That in due time, God will bring her to me.
I don't know who she is. She doesn't know who I am. But He knows.
Puzzlement
It may be futile to wonder.
But is it wrong?
Sure, I'm expecting to be surprised anyway.
So is it wrong to perhaps speculate a little?
Is it not natural to wonder who she might be?
Or is it dangerous?
But is it wrong?
Sure, I'm expecting to be surprised anyway.
So is it wrong to perhaps speculate a little?
Is it not natural to wonder who she might be?
Or is it dangerous?
Saturday, December 03, 2005
The Two Sides of Me
I won't hesitate to run all over town just to help a friend.
I also won't hesitate to storm out of a room just to make a point.
Actually, half the time I probably won't know what point I'm actually making by storming out of a room, which can render the storming out utterly pointless.
I guess I just can't handle confrontations, where I have to calmly state my feelings. So I run.
Ahh I'm so pathetic.
I need a girl who can understand that sometimes I just want to be alone and cool off, rather than exploding and saying something that I'd regret later. I need a girl who can understand that I'll be fine once I get it out of my system, that I'd never let anything undermine our love.
Is that too much to ask?
I also won't hesitate to storm out of a room just to make a point.
Actually, half the time I probably won't know what point I'm actually making by storming out of a room, which can render the storming out utterly pointless.
I guess I just can't handle confrontations, where I have to calmly state my feelings. So I run.
Ahh I'm so pathetic.
I need a girl who can understand that sometimes I just want to be alone and cool off, rather than exploding and saying something that I'd regret later. I need a girl who can understand that I'll be fine once I get it out of my system, that I'd never let anything undermine our love.
Is that too much to ask?
Why?
Why do people do the things they do?
I don't know?
Why do some people seemingly deliberately go out of their ways to hurt you?
Why do I keep storming out of rooms?
I don't know?
Maybe you like being hurt?
Maybe rooms like being stormed out of?
I don't know?
I don't know?
Why do some people seemingly deliberately go out of their ways to hurt you?
Why do I keep storming out of rooms?
I don't know?
Maybe you like being hurt?
Maybe rooms like being stormed out of?
I don't know?
Friday, December 02, 2005
Intravenous Drip
Sometimes I feel like a Christian on an IV drip. Constantly needing care and quick-fix medicine, but never recovering and regenerating from inside.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Snail
Blasted internet, bloody 'ell. Running at about 35% speed. Bloody 'ell. What's wrong with Telus?!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
