Happily Busy... Busily Happy

Spent yesterday with Andrew, Eunice, and Doug. Threw a belated birthday party for Ivan tonight. Busy busy busy, but every minute of it rocks cuz I'm with friends.

Tomorrow will be picking small Ivan up from the airport, then helping Doug move to his new place in Brentwood. Thursday will be picking up decorations and rehearsing Saturday's wedding rundown. Sunday will be church, soccer, and dinner with family friends. So that leaves really Friday relatively free. Got some friends in town only till next week before heading back out to the east coast, so I'll need to squeeze them in some time between now and then.

Got a mosquito in the room right now, distracting me so I can't really work. It's amazing what a little screaming and hitting can do to a guy, considering I killed a mosquito and a spider on Sunday, when normally (like right now) I'd rather flee the room than confront the little bloodsucker.

Now that was a holiday...

*Whew!* Today was awesome. Simply awesome. There's no other word for it. I can't even begin to describe how great it feels to hang out with friends. Friends I've known for years. Fantastic.

Got nicely tanned at the Mozart concert. I'll admit that I don't understand most of the pieces, but just listening to great music in the spectacular surroundings and beautiful weather more than made my day.

Then there was the fireworks after a steak dinner. Sure, probably something I'd rather be sharing with a special someone, but it was nice nevertheless to just kick back with friends and watch things blow up in the sky.

Single's life, spending time with friends. Just loving it.

My Confused Mind

I could tell you what I was thinking but then I'd have to kill you or kill myself.

Purpose-Driven Life: Day 14

(Ok, ok, I know I'm a little bit behind in my readings...)

Today's topic is "When God Seems Distant".

As you all know, I went through one of the most difficult periods of my life in the past twelve months. While I hadn't lost faith in God, it did feel at times as though He was taking away something very dear to my heart in order to punish me.

I want to thank all my brothers and sisters, who prayed for my faith and my broken heart, even though the eight-hour time difference made you all seem so distant.

I also want to thank my Lord, who never abandoned me in times of pain and suffering. This chapter taught that "faith, not feelings, pleases God." Thank you, Lord, for strengthening my faith.

Speaking of faith over feelings, I think this also applies to relationships. Building a relationship on the basis of faith, rather than feelings, is a sign of maturity. I probably won't always feel my wife's love, and I probably won't always show my love for her, but I pray that we will always have faith in our love for each other. That's how love should be.

Full Circle

You know, it doesn't matter who I'm interested in. Because in the end, you know I won't have the guts to make a move.

Edwin said a man's destined to pay his dues. I've had my share of crushes, my share of rejections, my share of breakups. No, I won't tell you how many of each; but if I did, you'd see that I rarely act on my feelings.

Yeah, I'm staying positive. I have faith in God's provision. (I think I've said that before.) But I'm afraid that when she does come along, I'll be too timid to even ask her out.

So why is it that I can never bring myself to ask a girl out? A fear of rejection? Perhaps. But I think it's more than that. I think it stems from the thought that there's nothing about me that's attractive to a girl. In other words, I don't see why a girl would like me.

Ahh geez. See? We're back to the same ol' issue again.

But I guess girls don't like guys who never try. So what should I do? Should I try acting on my feelings every once in a while?

My Dumbass Face

Was talking to one of my best friends as I drove him home. Well, actually we were on our way to Market Mall before driving him home, but that's besides the point.

Somehow got to talking about the way I present myself to others. He said that, while I was a nice guy in general (I'm paraphrasing here. Ask him for actual quotes.), I usually appeared cool, unfriendly, and unapproachable to others. I argued that I wasn't born with a naturally smiling, naturally friendly face. As far as I was concerned, my most relaxed expression looked most like a dumbass.

I've never been, am not, and never will be the kind of guy who can get any girl he wants simply by flashing a smile or charming her with flirtatious advances. Actually, I thank God for not making me that kind of guy. God bless the girl who bothers to dig deeper beneath my surface and falls in love with what's underneath. It's a shame that not more girls see me the same way my friend does.

WAP

The ability to Welcome, Appreciate, and Promote differences is a sign of maturity.

Children only want to play with other children who behave the same way, who think the same way, who like the same things.

Mature people will befriend others who behave a different way, who think a different way, who like different things.

I want to be mature. I realize that my wife won't behave the same way as I do, or think the same way as I do, or like the same things as I do. And it's my job, my responsibility, and my privilege as her husband to WAP that.

Holiday Pains

This is like, the worst holiday ever.

Hours upon hours, days upon days of being stuck in a car for long, bumpy rides. Mother of all headaches. Headache about a mother.

I thought holidays were supposed to be relaxing, so a person could get away from daily busyness and recharge his batteries. Only my parents are capable of turning relaxation and enjoyment into a chore.

Up well before 9 and not getting back till dark (that, in late August, means after 9), these hours are worse than any job I've ever done. Being left for dead in the car without keys or facilities in the vicinity, yeah, that's just my idea of fun.

Did I ask to come to Yellowstone? No. Yeah it's all nice and pretty, the geysers bubbling and churning and splashing and spitting amongst the most barren landscape I've ever seen with mine own eyes. But do I care to come here with my parents and their friends and their friend's friends?? Gosh no. Was I involved in any planning? Heck no. I'm just dragged around like a kid. A poor 21-year-old "kid" with his ass numb from all the sitting, totally not wanting to be here. Hell, a dog being walked by his owner gets more of a choice of where to go.

Maybe when I finally get married, they'll learn to let me decide where I want to do my holidaying, and whether I want them around.

Disappointed... again...

Got a pair of OCZ DDR400 512MB sticks today, hoping to break the 200MHz barrier finally on my computer, only to see errors pop up like mad even at 166MHz. Disappointment. Trying to nail down which stick is causing the problems right now. Can't believe the old stick of Kingston/Infineon DDR333 512MB can push 198MHz but these two are messing up even at 166MHz.

So... off to Yellowstone this coming Tuesday. Not particularly excited. You know me, I was born a house cat.

So we've got BBQ tomorrow, Chianti's Monday. Gone Tuesday to Saturday. Then to Canmore for Mozart on Sunday, and maybe see fireworks that evening as well. Then maybe cheese fondue Monday. After that, gonna be busy helping Ben and Spring with their wedding preparations.

Heckuva way to end the summer.

Realization

Just realized thoughts of her haven't crossed my mind for days.

Doesn't mean life is without disappointments, however. Twice, in the span of three days.

Need new RAM

Been running memory tests on all three machines in the house today (mine, dad's, and a friend's). Errors popping up left right and center on dad's machine and mine. Can't believe he actually put AZENRAM in my machine, which was OC'ed to 198MHz FSB. That piece of junk doesn't even run properly at its normal settings.

And now it appears as though the MSI motherboard in my dad's machine has a defective memory controller or whatever it's called. Stuck a piece of Kingston 256MB that ran perfectly fine on my machine at 166MHz in my dad's, and still generated errors despite running at 133MHz.

So, I guess I'll test the RAM's on my dad's computer in mine to make sure they're not faulty. In any case, though, I think I'll be buying some new RAM for my machine. Looking at OCZ's 1GB DDR400 Premier Series DualDDR Kit right now at MemoryExpress, on sale at $134.95 after mail-in rebate.

Back to Sunday

I just don't see Saturday working out for me. So it's back to Sunday for the time being.

Homosexuality, Evolution, and Cohabitation

Controversial issues were brought up again last night at fellowship.

Am I among the minorities who find problems with the three subjects mentioned above? Are we - conservative fundamentalists or whatever you want to call us - the minorities now, even in the church? Why do I feel so many people - some of whom even go to church or are professed Christians - have compromised what the Bible has taught them, or simply don't know or care enough to take a stand on the issues that Satan is using to destroy human race?

It's sad to hear about the conditions HK churches find themselves in. There's a complete lack of awareness and alertness in HK Christian youths, it seems. How long before Canadian Chinese Christian youths go down the same path of moral destruction?

Lessons in Faith

James said, "... faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead."

I have faith in God to bring me the one who will complete me.

What should my corresponding action be?

I have a mother...

... who has over 20 years of experience in making me feel worthless.

Unexpected People Bring Back Unexpected Memories

Ran into Eva just now. Hadn't seen her in years. Well, a year at least. Talked for a bit, nothing special. What hit me was what came after.

The memories of that autumn afternoon of 2001. The busstop. The one in front of what is now the ICT building. When LRT didn't run to Dalhousie and busses went all the way home. The jokes about my resemblance to Reverend Kaan, the missionary who lived in Morocco.

The first memories I have of you.

Can You Help Me Know Myself?

Self-conceptions can be deceiving. We all lie to ourselves to some extent about who we are. Or we simply haven't a clue about our true selves.

Therefore, I'd like to invite you, my friend, to tell me a few things about myself. Things that may be obvious to you, but they may not be to me. So please, come help me paint a more accurate picture of Alex Cheung. Post comments to this entry. You may wish to remain anonymous, which is fine by me, if you only have negative things to say about me. Just remember that identifying yourself in some way (you don't have to tell me your name) will help me in evaluating your comments, i.e. I'll know the comment was made by someone who knows me.

Or, what the heck, come tell me face-to-face.

God's Creations

Some were created alone. Most were created in pairs. But none were together at birth; all were meant to find the other through their walks of life.

22 in less than 4 months

What are the implications? I should start thinking...

22 sounds like a big number, doesn't it? Well, bigger than 21, at least. What ought I be doing at 22? What are others doing at 22? Heck, what are others doing before 22?

What could I be doing at 22? I won't even have graduated yet from university. Well, I suppose graduating at 22 and a half is sort of early already, considering I did a five-year program. And what comes after? What happens at 22 and a half?

I'll need a job, no question. Not really keen on doing Master's without company sponsorship. Perhaps it'd be a good idea to start looking at want ads?

Actually, perhaps I've been asking all the wrong questions. What does God want me to do at 22? Where does God want me to be? What has God prepared for me next year? And perhaps most importantly, who has God been preparing for me for the past 22 years? And when will God bring us together?

Yup, it's all about God. And I can't wait.

An Uncalled-for Apology

To the girl I once loved: I'm sorry if my temper ever embarrassed you in front of your family and friends, or even just acquaintances and mere strangers.

Strum strum strum...

Borrowed a guitar from a brother so I could see if I've got what it takes to play and play well. Now my fingers hurt even as I type. But hey, no pain no gain right?

Just realized that I'm seriously disadvantaged, even handicapped, by my bent pinkies, which means the strings aren't pressed properly. Maybe surgery can correct this?

Mi primera lección española

Aléjate
Josh Groban
Music and Lyrics: Albert Hammond and Marti Sharron
From the recording: Josh Groban, Track #6

Jamás sentí en el alma tanto amor
Y nadie mas que tú, mi amó
Por ti reí y lloré, renací también
Lo que tuve di, por tenerte aquí
Ya sé que despedirnos es mejor
Sufriendo pagaré mi error
Ya nada será igual, lo tengo que aceptar
Y hallar la fuerza en mí para este adios

* Aléjate, no puedo más
Ya no hay manera de volver el tiempo atrás
Olvídate de mí
Y déjame seguir a solas con mi soledad
Aléjate, ya dime adios
Y me resignaré a seguir sin tu calor
Y jamás entenderé que fue lo que pasó
Si nada puedo hacer, aléjate *

No voy a arrepentirme del ayer
Amándo te hice, mujer
Por el amor aquel, por serte siempre fiel
Hoy tengo que ser fuerte y aprender

Repeat * x 2

Translation:

I never felt so much love in my soul
And no one loved me more than you did
For you I laughed and cried, and was reborn
I gave all I have to keep you here
I know that saying goodbye is best
Suffering, I will pay for my mistake
And nothing will be the same. I have to accept it
And find the strength in me for this goodbye

* Just walk away. I cannot bear it anymore
There’s no way to go back in time
Forget me
And let me go on alone with my solitude
Just walk away, tell me goodbye
And I will resign myself to going on without your warmth
And I will never understand what happened
If there's nothing I can do, just walk away *

I’m not going to repent for yesterday
I loved you, woman
For that love, for always being faithful
Today I have to be strong and learn

Repeat * x 2

I Know What I Did Last Summer

Just got back from the annual church summer conference at Three Hills. A more tiresome weekend this year than any other. The battle with the heat and the battle within wore me out in two days, and I nearly lost last night. I stuck it out though in the end, willing myself through the trials.

Absolutely miserable last night. I don't want to remember the past, but I can't help myself. So what am I supposed to do? I can't run away, I can't look back. But what can I do when everything that used to be so familiar, so natural, so reflexive, is now a needle pricking at my heart? What can I do but hide from them and hope they dull over time?

Still debating whether to go back to Saturday worship. There's nothing for me to do on Sunday. If I want to serve, I may have to look to Saturday regardless. That won't go down well with some people.